Choose – Page 2 – Make Your Someday Today

MYST 85 Trevitorial: Success Without Total Effort?

June 29, 2015June 28, 2015 by Trevor

Photo by Vincezo Di Giorgi via StockSnap

“Don’t put in half the effort, unless you are okay with half the results!”

What an excellent motto. I’m happy to say that I wrote it….well, I wrote it after reading it in a LoseIt Community group from another member. (Today’s show is not going to exclusively be about weight loss.)

I’ve mentioned this many times before (and I will continue to for as long as I run this show) but I am very active using the app LoseIt for weight loss. Actually, I am one of seven Ambassadors who work to help provide some guidance to the millions of members, and especially the newer members who may need a bit virtual hand-holding.

But not all guidance is from the Ambassadors. In fact, the amount of help we provide is trivial when compared to the hundreds—no thousands—of posts every day from experienced and successful member who only want to share their ideas and help others find success.

Theordora has been a LoseIt member since May 2015, and already she is an active and enthusiastic supporter of everyone around her. She is still actively working toward her weight loss goal, and so her words of wisdom are from the perspective of someone who still struggles day after day, and who victoriously emerges from the fight each day. Or…sometimes her victory isn’t as obvious, but she never quits and is always a positive influence.

“Don’t put in half the effort, unless you are okay with half the results!”

That applies to everything in life, not just weight loss. I mean, LoseIt is all about counting calories and finding a healthy weight, but for me, it is much more than that. LoseIt is a support system. It is a family of “virtual friends and neighbors” who are always ready to lend a helping hand, a few words of wisdom, or that gentle kick in the butt if needed.

I needed those words today, for a few reasons, none of which having to do with food.

My legs hurt today. Yesterday, I rode 120 miles to an incredibly exciting meeting for our school’s union (I am the local president). I am still not permitted to drive, so my vice-president drove me.) Two hours there. Seven hours sitting, trying to stay awake. Two hours driving home. I arrived home with legs as stiff as possible. And they are not much improved today.

And they hurt. Walking is painful. Sitting is painful. I realize it sounds like I’m whining—and maybe I am—but bear with me, I have a reason. I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t want to do anything but sit in my chair with my dog on my lap. I wanted to be at ease. I wanted to rest.

But how will sitting and resting help me fully recover from my knee replacements? (Answer: not at all!) I was acting like my students. They carry their books in their backpacks, but rarely open them, assuming that the knowledge will magically migrate from the printed page to their brains without any effort. Me? I’m hoping that if I rest enough, my strength and flexibility will return without the effort of exercises.

More specifically, without the pain of exercises. Pain hurts, you know?

Mmmmm. How do you think that will work? Tomorrow I see my physical therapist, Nick. He is going to measure my knee flexion. Resting is easier, but do you think that will give me much improvement?

No. All morning I was giving far less than 100%, yet knowing that tomorrow, I would be hoping for 105% improvement.

The same applies to this show. I’ll be honest (as if you don’t already know) but I am struggling with MYST. I still enjoy running a podcast. I enjoy the recording, and the transcribing, and the promoting.

But I am running low on enthusiasm. I’m running low on ideas. I want to have my show, but I am acting as if putting in 50% effort is enough for 100% performance. And we all know, that is not right.

What about you? Are you trying to write a book? If you are, you know that the words don’t magically appear. You need to sit down and write. And write. And then write some more. Is it fun? Probably not every day. (PT isn’t fun, but I still need to do it!) Choosing to walk instead of drive isn’t necessarily fun, and choosing to eat celery and peanut butter isn’t as desirable as a piece of cake, but that needs to be done if you want to change your weight.

The bottom line is this: if you want success, you need to do the work. There is no other way around it. Even if you fire someone to transcribe your notes, you still need to give your assistant the notes. If you don’t do the work, you won’t get the results.

Theodora is right. If you don’t put it 100%, don’t expect 100%. (I am going to use that line when I address my students at the beginning of the semester.) It might hurt. It might be difficult. It might not be what you really want to do right now.

But where do you want to be tomorrow? Our success tomorrow depends upon our decisions and actions today.

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Some links (but not all) within these show notes may be Affiliate Links, meaning that I may receive a small commission when readers click on them and then purchase something. This does not increase your cost at all, but it does help me cover some of the cost associated with this podcast. Thanks!

Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

Voiceover courtesy of Matt Young. Matt is a professional voiceover artist. If you have any need of voiceover work, for your podcast, radio spot, or whatever, you can reach Matt by a variety of methods. He is on LinkedIn. On Twitter. And Google+. And you can read his really nice, contemplative blog. Matt was also my guest on MYST 54. Give his story a listen!

MYST 81 Trevitorial: Starting Over

May 7, 2015 by Trevor

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Starting over. When we were kids, we’d call it a “do-over”. Golfers sometimes use the phrase “a mulligan.” In any case, they amount to the same thing: what came before does not count. What happens next is all that matters.

Photo by Skitterphoto.com via StockSnap.io

How many times do we truly start over? Oh, if you are trying to lose weight, it is common to succeed for a while, then regain all that weight and begin losing weight again. Or if you are creating a project, you might decide in the middle that everything is wrong and start a new project. Those are types of “do-overs.”

But when was the last time you made a major change to your life?

I bring this up because I my wife and I decided it was time to make a change. To start over. And we can’t wait! And maybe this will help you decide it is time to change, too.

Let me give you the backstory. We’ve been married for over 29 years, and will celebrate our 30^th anniversary this September. We’ve only ever lived in Wisconsin for our entire marriage (and that won’t change) but have lived in four different—and very distinct—towns, with a total of nine different addresses. We’ve lived in Green Bay for most of our marriage, since 1991. We started renting a single bedroom apartment, then a 2 bedroom duplex. We bought our first home in 1993, our second in 2001, and our current home in 2006. Each home was bigger than the last. Our current home has 2700 feet of living area, plus 750 ft of storage space in the basement, plus a three and a half car garage for storage.

And for each home, we gathered more “things”. Holiday decorations. Furniture. Tools. Appliances. Books. Household do-dads and widgets. That basement storage area of about 750 sq ft (about 70 sq meters) and it is full, floor to ceiling with “stuff”. Oh, it is very well-organized, in labeled boxes, but it is full.

As is the rented storage unit (300 sq ft, or 28 sq m). Our garage is full of furniture and equipment filling one and half stalls. Just writing that makes me queasy with all that. My life is full of “stuff”. That isn’t an accomplishment, it is more of a sign of a cluttered mind.

That is the backstory.

The rest of the story is that my wife and I want to move. We want to find “the perfect home”, and we realize that may mean building it. And it may mean buying a new home before we can sell our current home (which can be expensive if the home doesn’t sell) because the type of home we want is popular and tend to sell fast!

We’ve been looking at homes. So far, none have been satisfactory.

Last night, we did something different. We looked at an apartment. It is a one bedroom place, with a small den. It has 1000 sq ft (93sq m), no basement, and only a single stall garage (plus outdoor parking.)

It is small, but very nicely designed. It is part of a large complex of buildings, with over 200 apartments in total.

And we loved it.

We have already completed our applications, and are hoping for an August 1 move in date.

That is scary!

We are going to pare our lives down to a basic level, a level that we have not experienced since our first apartment in 1985 after we married.

We need to sell—or give away—lots of stuff. And to be honest, writing that gives me a feeling of apprehension combined with a giddy sense of freedom!

We are going to truly downsize! That means giving up many activities that were time-consuming, but not all were bad. I will not need to mow or fertilize the lawn, but those were actually relaxing activities. No vegetable gardens, other than what I can grow in containers. No more shoveling the snow, or running my brand new snow blower, purchased last December and used for a total of five snowfalls last winter. That will be nice! But it also means giving up a large part of my home brewing hobby. I will not be able to bring my four keg kegerator, and since I don’t like bottling beer, I might just quit brewing beer.

We are going to reduce our belongings down to a bedroom set, a few pieces in the living room, a small dining room set and a desk in the den for school work and this podcast. The den will also become the library for all of our books.

We will need to keep our storage locker, because it contains many vintage items that are destined to fill our “perfect home”, but in the new apartment, it will be sparse—in comparison to our current home.

What is the purpose of this story?

My wife and I have almost 30 years’ worth of belongings. We have 30 years of life habits, collecting, buying, showing and storing things. And we are selling or giving almost all of it away. We are going back to the way we lived as newlyweds. Just the two of us, in our apartment (but now we have Ozzy our pug.)

But more than the physical act of purging belongings, this is a mental paradigm shift and THAT is what I want you to take from this. We are looking at life completely differently. We are changing our definition of satisfaction. We are taking strong and definite steps to reduce items and workload from our lives. Instead of spending hours every week simply doing routine cleaning, and many more hours doing simple yard work, we will have that time together to work toward our future.

When was the last time you changed your entire life’s viewpoint?

When was the last time you decided to change your life in a way that others can see?

I know my friends Meron Bareket and Julie Sheranosher did exactly that a few years ago. (I featured their stories when I interviewed them in episode three and fourteen. (You can find those episodes at MYST/Meron and MYST/Julie.) They moved to a different country, while are merely moving across town, but the concept is the same. Strip down to what you need. Just that. And then find out what you can do with all the extra physical and mental space you find.

What can you get rid of? What are you doing, every day, or every week, that is doing nothing but stealing time and energy—and money—from you? What would you be able to do with those hours?

We all only have twenty-four hours in a day, seven days in a week. That is it. How we spend those hours are under our control. I’ve decided that mowing the lawn simply does not add enough benefit to balance the time I spend doing it.

Making a change like this is not easy. As excited as we are right now, when we actually begin the process of eliminating almost everything, the excitement will be replaced by other feelings. Possibly feelings of loss, possibly sadness, possibly fear of what the future will bring.

If you let those feelings control you, you will never become the person you are destined to be.

Take action. Now. Not Someday.

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Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

MYST 77 Trevitorial: Breaking Your Comfort Zone

March 26, 2015 by Trevor

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I’ve never been on a mission trip of any sort. Here I am leading 10 nursing students to Hagley Gap, St. Thomas Parish, Jamaica on a service learning experience where we walked the hills–mountains–and provided cares to villagers unable to walk to the clinic. I averaged 7 miles a day (16-20K steps) and since my Fitbit records elevation changes, I also know that I climbed the equivalent of 150-200 flights of stairs a day. On my bad knees.

Bathing in the river (mountain rivers are very chilly) every afternoon helped my knees!

This trip was through the Blue Mountain Project, based here in Wisconsin. Please check out their site, and if possible, help them if you can. They are a very small non-profit organization, and as in all such groups, always need more funding, volunteers and supplies. Serving as a volunteer with BMP can be as short as one week and has reasonable fees ($99/night) and will likely change your perspective as much as it changed mine. I cannot wait to return.

My wife and I plan to return in the summer 2016, after my knees fully heal. I cannot believe how much this trip changed me. When was the last time you challenged yourself and broke through your comfort zone?

Arrival in Kingston, with my two students Michelle and Mandy — Michelle, Me and Mandy, Arrival In Kingston

One Room Schoolhouse with Dividers — One Room Schoolhouse

Children Need to Share Pencils — Students in this school must share pencils

Me and A Local Rastafarian — A Local Rastafarian and Me

One of the Local Children — A Local Child and his Coconut

Potato, Dumpling, Broad Beans, and Cow Skin

Some of the Homes — Homes Across the River

Goats Were Everywhere — Photo Bombed By a Goat

I really recommend that you use an activity tracker to give you an accurate measurement of your daily activity. You’re just steps away from better fitness. Try Fitbit now.

Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

MYST 75 Trevitorial: Become Your Best Self, Starting NOW!

March 12, 2015March 26, 2015 by Trevor

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So what does the title mean? Are you your best right now? How many listeners believe they are their best self, right now?

Let’s change the question: How many here believe they are better than they were a year ago? That’s a better question. But we still aren’t our best yet. Why?

Part of it is the fact that most people continue to improve, at least in some facets of their lives, almost until the end. So by a technical definition, you cannot be your best until you are no longer improving.

But that’s a technicality. Let’s agree than “Best” is an illusory concept, and that what we really mean is “Be All You Can Be”—no, that was taken by the US Army. How about “Become What You Want to Be.” I like that last one.

“Become What You Want to Be”.

What would it take for you to believe—no, more than believe, to KNOW—that you are your best? In other words, what do you want to be? If you cannot honestly answer that question, then my work is done. It’s hard to become something if you don’t know what that something is.

Take a few seconds to visualize what your life would look like if you actually became the person you want to be.

What did you see? More importantly, how did that make you feel?

Let me tell you a quick story before we move into the actual work part of the “workshop.”

In 2005 I was unhappy. I had a position with an insurance company, performing a job that I didn’t really enjoy, one that seemed to be a quagmire of stagnation. I had no self-control. I ate too much. And I weighed in excess of 295 pounds. On a flight with my wife, I actually could not get the seat belt to latch across my belly. And I was too proud to ask for a seat-belt extension, so I flew unsecured. I was willing to risk my life due to my pride.

That’s okay. Someday, I will lose weight.

In 2006, I needed knee surgery due to obesity. I was told I needed to lose weight. I will. Someday.

In 2007, we adopted our little pug, Ozzy. It was difficult for me to walk him to the dog park, because it was three blocks away. I needed my inhaler to breather better. That’s okay. Someday.

But finally, I had my wakeup call. I was an ER nurse, and I cared for a patient who was my age, and my size, admitted for a heart attack. At the time, I was 45. I couldn’t walk the length of a hallway without breaking a sweat and a flight of stairs are nearly impossible. I could not work on the code team, because I couldn’t get up the stairs fast enough.

Suddenly, I realized that someday needed to become today, or I might next on that gurney. What had changed? I finally had a reason that made me act. That reason was fear, and while it is a negative motivator, it made me change.

On July 28, 2008, I asked my wife for help. With her help, we started to change our lives. We ate differently. We walked more. And we did that together.

On January 20, 2012, I weighed 199 pounds. I slowly dropped to a low of 180 pounds. As of today, I weigh 201 pounds.

What happened? I got scared. But I made a decision. And I asked for help. And I never quit. I am becoming who I wanted to be.

Not everyone wants to, or needs to lose weight. But everyone has that thing, that one gleaming dream, that image of who they really are. You probably have it carefully stored in a box, hidden deep inside your spirit. Maybe you look at it in secret on occasion. And you probably all think, “Someday….someday” and then you carefully rewrap your dream and return it to storage.

We need some roadmaps. These are just like the maps you use when on vacation, but instead a roadmap for your life. When you go on vacation, you know where you are starting, and the destination, and also how the route you will take.

It is probably rare that people hop in their car and just drive somewhere. We want to know where we are going and when we will arrive. That’s just how it is.

This room is filled with people who have accomplished great things, achieved high levels of education. And I am confident that there are more than a couple in here who think, “But someday, I’ll become what or who I want to be.”

So….what path will you take to arrive at your “Better You?” Take a sheet of paper. Divide it into four quadrants. At the center of the page, write today’s date.

In the upper left quadrant, add the label “Lifetime”. In the upper right, “Three Years”. Lower left, “One Year”. Lower right, “Three Months.” Now here is your first short assignment.

Open that secret storeroom! Throw the doors wide open. For the next five minutes, don’t look at those dreams, goals, and aspiration and think “Someday” but instead just think “Yes!” Write down every goal, dream and hope you really, really want.

And yes, be unrealistic! Let your mind wander down paths that you thought were long overgrown. Write your goals—your descriptions of “Your Best You” in the quadrants that you believe to be the most accurate time frame.

Don’t judge. Don’t justify. Don’t list in order of importance or likelihood. Just write down all your dreams. How do you feel about what you wrote down?

Did anything that you wrote scare you? Did you write down something that made you feel a little queasy in your stomach or think “I’m crazy for even writing this?” Yes? That is awesome! Anything that scares you is something to truly consider as being a worthy goal.

All right we now have a list of dreams and goals, our adult wish list to send to Santa. Excellent! You have the beginning of your life’s roadmap. You now can see what your “Better You” will look like, and will do. We know where you want to be, not “Someday”, but in 3 months, 1 year, 3 years. That’s wonderful!

But here is the next assignment. Which are the goals that need our greatest focus? Because as much as we want it all, we usually can’t do everything. Not all at once, at least.

Here is your second assignment. Look at the descriptions of your “Better You.” You know that you cannot tackle all of those goals. Rather than prioritizing each, which can sometimes be very difficult, let’s make it very simple.

In each quadrant, circle the one item that will have the greatest positive affect on your life. The goals you circle do not need to be related to each other. It’s hard to do many things. But we can always do that one thing. So, you have one minute to identify your top four Priorities. Go!

How do you feel right now? Scared? Empowered? Bold? I am asking you to put yourself out beyond where you live right now. That can be frightening. You never learned how to ride a two-wheeler by keeping the training wheels on, right?

Now for the next step. And this is the big one! Let’s tackle your “Game Changer!”

How many of you are Green Bay Packers (NFL football) fans? Good, me too! I live in Green Bay; it is a city law. Almost.

Remember the Packer’s “Game Changer” of last season? The Packers are in Miami, trailing by 4 points. They are on the 15 yard line with 30 seconds left in the game and no time outs. Aaron Rogers needs to spike the ball to stop the clock and give them a chance to plan their final plays. He steps up to the line and spikes it….but not really. Rookie Davante Adams runs down the sideline towards the goal line and Rodgers throws him a quick pass as he get pushed out of bounds at the 3 yard line, stopping the clock. On the next play, Aaron Rodgers throws a touchdown pass to the tight end Andrew Quarless to win the game.

That one play changed the outcome of that game. It was as if the first 59 and a half minutes didn’t exist. What is YOUR Game Changer?

Look at your four circled goals. Which of those will have the greatest and most immediate positive affect on your life, if it was already achieved RIGHT NOW? Take a second sheet and choose your Game Changer. If you are not sure which will have the greatest and most immediate positive affect, simply write the circled Three Month Goal in the center of the page.

What is the next step? This one will take more time. We cannot do it all here right now, but we can start. Knowing what you want is easy. Achieving it takes the right effort.

I wanted to lose a lot of weight. I did not focus on one hundred pounds (my initial ultimate goal.) I focused on my next meal. Then my next day. I looked at a series of small successes, which I was able to build into my final goal. You need to identify the steps that need to be taken to achieve each of these life goals. We need to be SMART as we do this.

S = Specific
M = Measurable
A = Achievable
R = Results Based
T = Time limited

When we create our action plan, we need to me as concrete as possible. If your one year goal is to “publish a cookbook”, your action step will not be “make progress every day.” That is not specific. Nor measurable. Nor results-based, or time limited. It is achievable, but that is only one piece of the puzzle.

No, instead I would list “Write 500 words a day, every morning before going to the office.” You’d be surprised how quickly you can write five hundred words when you set a goal like that.

For a more detailed discussion of SMART goals, listen to MYST episode 67 or http://makeyoursomedaytoday.com/Smart

What benchmarks need to be met to reach your goal? Start listing the first steps that you must do in order to start making progress toward your Game Changer. Be specific! This will take longer, and some steps will have substeps. We are actually creating a mind map for our goals. This will stretch your comfort zone a bit, but humor me. This works!

When you have all steps listed (and you may need to complete this at home) attach a due date to each so that you commit to completing this. My students need due dates, right? So do we.

Okay, we have done a lot today, and I know that you will finish this assignment. You chose to spend your free time here. You want to become your best self. You are motivated to work toward the goals you find important. I believe in you. I know you can succeed!

On the MYST main web page will be the podcast logo and to the right of that logo you will see a box that reads “The Varsity Squad.” Click on it, and it will bring you to an application form. I only need your first name and email address. That will bring you up from Trevor’s Team to the Varsity Squad. When you do that, I will send you digital copies of the documents that we have been using, as well as an added SMART GOAL worksheet for personal or team use.

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Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

MYST 73 Trevitorial: Mistakes are Good!

February 19, 2015February 17, 2015 by Trevor

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Here! A little ice cream won't hurt your weight loss! — Here! A little ice cream won’t hurt your weight loss!

We all make mistakes. It is one characteristic of being human. But mistakes are not always bad. In fact, if you follow these four simple steps, you can turn a mistake, an obstacle preventing you from making progress to your goal, into a strength that will power you to success. This topic is from Varsity Squad member Melanie, who sent me a tweet asking me to address this.

You can follow me @TrevorLaRene

Listen to Melanie’s earlier question (via my Speakpipe system) in MYST 69.

As mentioned in this episode, LoseIt is my recommended weight loss method. Get Lose It! Premium because it works.

Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

MYST 70 Listener Question: I Reached My Goal. Now What?

January 29, 2015January 28, 2015 by Trevor

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Success is the goal, but what happens when we reach that finish line? How we do stay successful? How do we not slip back into out patterns of living?

MYST Varsity Squad member Lace emailed me a question about these very concerns. Her question is about weight loss, but she could have asked about any goal. The answer will apply to anything you are trying to achieve.

As mentioned in this episode, LoseIt is my recommended weight loss method. Get Lose It! Premium because it works.

Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

MYST 62 Trevitorial: Choose to Change

December 5, 2014 by Trevor

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Today’s quote comes from Kara Counard, our guest from Episode 30. (Kara’s story is a powerful example of making tough choices, and finding greater success! If you haven’t listened to the episode, check it out.) Kara suggests that we need to change our minds about ourselves. What is she talking about?

We have control over very few things in our lives. We can’t control the weather.

We can train our pets (sometimes) but we really don’t control them.

Our kids? Please.

We can control the vehicles we drive…unless you hit a patch of ice here in Wisconsin, in which case you are being controlled by momentum.

We might have control over where we work, but my guess is that everyone who is listening right now has to answer to someone else for some part of your job. Even if you are a self-employed entrepreneur, you still need to be responsive to your audience so that you give them the answer to their problems.

About the only thing we can control with absolute certainty is our reactions to stimuli around us. That’s it.

I’ll cover this in greater detail in an upcoming show, but I recently had a student ask me why I don’t get upset when things go wrong. Sometimes a student will make a mistake. Or our assigned meeting room at the clinical site will be arbitrarily changed. Or weather forces a cancelation of class—after I’ve already driving 40 miles through a snow storm.

I don’t get upset because a) that won’t change anything, and b) how I react is my choice. Why bother getting upset over a snowstorm? That won’t change anything except to make me angry, frustrated and disturbed. The snow will remain, unfazed by my emotional outburst. And I choose to not lose my temper over things that I cannot alter.

It, like so much else, is a choice. And we can choose to look at things in any way we want.

Let me give you an example:

Last April, very early in spring, the ground still snow-covered, I was driving home on an interstate highway, with a posted speed limit of 65mph / 105Kph. As I drove, with no other traffic around me, the left front ball joint of my wheel snapped. One minute, I was driving carefree and then suddenly BANG! I was sliding. I steered to the right to get off the highway, and in doing so, slid about 20 feet down an embankment and crashed through two stout fence posts before coming to a stop.

The offending wheel!

It was the most exciting 3-4 seconds of my life. It was 3-4 seconds that lasted about 18 lifetimes while it was happening.

When I came to a stop, my first reaction was laughter. I could not believe what happened and that I was completely unhurt. The car? Totaled. Then I called my auto insurance agent, and a local tow-truck service. I was dialing the local Sherriff’s line when I saw one of the deputies carefully walk down the embankment.

I got out, and we talked. He determined based on skid marks on the highway that I was not driving recklessly, and he also did not smell alcohol on my breath. So we waited for the tow truck and then he drove me to a restaurant to call for my son to pick me up.

That was scary. And I was sad, because I really liked that car, and I knew that the insurance company would declare it a total loss. But I was sooooo happy.

My wife wasn’t driving the car. Nor were my sons. That would have made me so worried. When it happened, there was no traffic around me. Suppose a car had been tailgating me? Or one had been driving in the lane to my right? If this had happened 5 seconds earlier or 10 seconds later (I later timed it), in both cases I would have not slid down an embankment, but rather been pitched off the roadway, down to another road 20 feet below. What if I had taken my alternate route home (which I do about half the times)? It is a lonely county highway, little traveled, with steeper embankments going down to small rivers? Or, most likely, if this had been a normal year, the snow cover would have been gone and the ground soft and soggy. Instead of sliding, my wheels probably would have dug in, and made my car roll. And at 65mph (ish), it would roll many times.

So many worse things could have happened. Instead of being upset at breaking my car, I was happy and overjoyed that nothing truly bad happened.

When was the last time something bad happened to you? Something unexpected? Did you react with anger, frustration? If you did react like that, did it make anything better?

What does that have to do with changing our minds about ourselves?

How we feel about ourselves, about others within our life, about our situation in life, all of those feelings are a choice. And if our current choice is not working for us, we need to change.

We need to change our reactions, our thoughts, our feelings. No one can change that for you. Do you dislike your manager? Maybe so. Does having those feelings result in any positive change? Probably not.

So what can you do? You have two options. No, three. You can change your reactions to you manager, you can change your thoughts about your current job and look for work elsewhere, or you can stay where you are and keep thinking your current thoughts and remain miserable. (Oh, and in case you don’t know, everyone around you knows that you are miserable. Including your manager.)

You need to make a choice about making a change. And all changes begin mentally. When I am having a bad day, I ask one question (and it is a simple one): “Is there something that I can do to directly change my situation?” In my broken car, there was nothing I could do to change the outcome. So I didn’t worry about it. When my wife told me that her car was handling poorly on the snowy roads, I could do something. I first checked the treads, and then I ordered the best snow tires I could get for her car. Expensive? Yes. But would I rather pay that, or always worry when the roads are snowy and slippery (about 4 months a year in this part of Wisconsin)?

“Can you do something that will change your situation?” If yes, then do it!

If no, then accept your situation. In blunt language, “Suck it up, Buttercup” and live with it. Whining won’t change it, and no one wants to hear that! Having a tantrum won’t change it. Accept it. Deal with it. Learn from it to (hopefully) prevent it from happening again.

Choose to change.

It is a powerful ability. And not everyone will take this advice. It looks much more passive than some people want, but it is really “active-passivity”. You are not passively accepting your fate, but rather, you are choosing to not fight a useless battle. Save your energies and ammunition for a fight that is possible.

You all know people around who fight everything, every time. They never win. No one takes their actions and words seriously. And then you may know that one person. Quiet. Gets along with everyone. Adapts to changes easily. Oh, he/she might grumble, but they don’t put up fights, and the grumbling is short-lived.

Until something big happens. And then, suddenly, they change. The quiet, peaceful, get-along person becomes vocal, forceful and stands their ground! And they usually win, right?

What will you do? How will you change?

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Music composed and performed by Jason Shaw, courtesy of Audionautix.com

Are You Riding in Back, or Up Front?

November 3, 2014January 24, 2015 by Trevor

Photo by Matthew Clark, via Unsplash.com

In the photo above, the person in the back is on a nice ride, but he has no control over where he is going. He doesn’t even have an oar in his hands. He is passively along for the ride. If he ends up in a good spot, maybe a sunny bank along the lake, then he chose wisely.

But if the front person is over-eager, and aggressively tries to paddle through the rapids of a river, the trip will probably end differently.

What does that have to do with weight loss, or any goal achievement? This idea builds on the concept of being your own person. Take charge. When you passively exist, you only receive what others decide for you. In the USA, we are soon going to have national, state and local elections. Vote! Take a stand. Choose a position. Make your choice. If you don’t vote, and you don’t like the election outcome, you are not in a position to complain.

If you are on a weight loss journey, you really can’t do it passively. It takes action, determination and drive to lose weight. Oh, well, actually you can do it passively, in a fashion. If you are using prepackaged meals, that is a relatively passive method of weight loss. But the problem is that it doesn’t let you learn how to eat healthy for the rest of your life. If you follow their plans, you will lose weight. Will it stay off? That is the real question.

When you are in control of what you eat, you make decisions every day. Hopefully most days are good decisions, but even on those days where you choose unwisely, you are still learning about self-control.

In that picture above, what would be the result if the rider in back were to grab an oar? First he could help steer the canoe. He would be able to exert some influence upon the direction he moves. But he could also help propel the canoe faster, and reach their destination quicker.

But no, he is simply riding. Passive. One could even say “useless.” That is never a descriptor of anything good.

Photo by Antoine Beauvillian, via Unsplash.com

What about getting on a railroad? That is a choice you can make, too, and with that choice, you know the end destination. Depending in the railroad and ticket, you have a reasonable assurance that you will disembark where you are planning. No rapids for the engineer to steer through, and if the train derails, it will have nothing to do with your actions.

But once again, you have no control over how fast you arrive and actually, your potential destination choices are also limited. This is like choosing a very restrictive weight loss plan, strictly limiting certain foods. Might that work? Sure. But will it take you exactly where you want to go, in the comfort that you desire? Maybe not.

Clint Eastwood said “Fate pulls you in different directions.” He’s right. Some things that happen to us are out of our control.

That’s why it is so important to take charge of all those parts of your life which are under your control.

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If you would like to listen to this blogpost, this was the basis for a recent podcast episode.

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Unsplash License: “All photos published on Unsplash are licensed under Creative Commons Zero which means you can can copy, modify, distribute and use the photos, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.”